ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
