So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
