Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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