I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
