I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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