I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
