he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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