Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
