nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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