Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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