You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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