I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
