As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
