Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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