I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
