Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
