dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
