Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
this hospital has no fireball
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
