this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
