she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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