I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
These tits shall not be calmed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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