i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the liver wants what the liver wants
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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