Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize