I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it glows. i had to have it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize