Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
