So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
