There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
