She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
