im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
