She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
