Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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