Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize