next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
