I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize