i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize