help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
