dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
