I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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