I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
