so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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