they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
