i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
