I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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