i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
