Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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