Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
