Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
