The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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