I just saw a hot homeless man
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize