I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize