Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
