Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
