Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
