I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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