I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
