I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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