3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
