i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
