It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
