if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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