Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
