just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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