So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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