He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize