Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize