I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
