Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
only if we run a train.
done.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
