I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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