he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
