im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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