I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
