I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize