He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
