I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize