ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
