maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
