i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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